In a programme for the principals of model Sanskriti schools of Haryana, a participant came to me after my session on ethics in public services and wanted to know how I learned to say ‘No’ to the unreasonable commands of my superiors in the government.
My instant response was that I said ‘No’ because I found myself incapable of acquiescing in or living with patently illegal or unjust demands, whether they came from ministers or senior officers of public services. But I realized that perhaps it was not a full reply to the query. In almost every programme on ‘Ethics of Public Service’, a question is invariably posed by the participants ‘how to deal with unreasonable demands of one’s superiors’.
So, I gave a thought to it.
In our professional life, to every question, command, demand, order or request, there has to be a response. Whether it is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, it creates a responsibility. Situations arise in one’s working (as also personal) life, when one wants to say ‘no’, but is forced to say ‘yes’ because of compulsions or considerations of job security or career advancement or the fear of being victimized.
It is a fairly common occurrence to face unreasonable, questionable or illegal requests in almost every profession. When faced with such a situation, one has to make the right balance between one’s interests and values. When perceived self interests outweigh the cherished values, conflicts arise. Is the ‘perceived self interest’ your real self interest? Also, the real self interest needs to be explored.
Many people agree to things — even things they would prefer not to do — simply to avoid the perceived discomfort of saying ‘no.’ Many people would give in and commit unethical acts while discharging their duties and responsibilities, such as telling a lie or committing an act of misconduct — even when they felt these acts were wrong.
I believe that being capable to say ‘no’ gives us greater navigation over our lives. This grants us the opportunity to build a fulfilling, meaningful life on our own terms. After all, we can only have power over ourselves — so, let’s exercise that power.
While saying ‘yes’ to a demand, we should ask ourselves:
What are my core values, beliefs, and current goals?
Will saying ‘yes’ be good for my mental health? Or will it worsen my symptoms?
On earlier occasions, when have I said ‘yes’ and then ended up regretting it?
Is saying ‘yes’ harmless in every sense? Is it not illegal or immoral?
Because while it provided quick short-term relief — avoiding confrontation with others and dealing with uncomfortable emotions — saying ‘yes’ has its own long-term implications. Because every time we say ‘yes’ to something wrong or illegal, we say ‘no’ to our own priorities.
Each time you say ‘yes’ to yet another favor, you say no to the things most important to you. If you say ‘yes’ to an unreasonable request, it may become a habit. You may not be able to resist saying ‘yes’ to similar requests in future.
When they know that you can say ‘yes’ against your best judgment, they will keep making requests. You will earn a reputation of yielding to questionable, unreasonable or illegal requests.
A bad ‘no’, hastily decided, causes problems for everybody, especially you. Bad ‘no’s happen when you haven’t properly assessed the ask; when you let decisions be driven by personal biases, including dislike of the asker or dismissals of people who don’t seem important enough; or when you decline simply because you’ve said yes to too many other things and don’t have any capacity left
Through decades of experience in government, I have discovered a framework that I believe works. It has three parts: assess the request, deliver a well-reasoned ‘no’, and give a ‘yes’ that sets you up for success. A good ‘no’ is all about timing and logic. You should say ‘no’ to things that are (i) not allowed, (ii) cannot be done, or that, on balance, (iii) should not be done. These are three critical tests for deciding on the correct response.
The first test is the easiest to understand. If there are procedures, guidelines, or regulations that prohibit you from doing something—or that this category of work is off-limits to you, then you simply give a straight ‘no’.
The second test of the feasibility of the task is also more or less straightforward. If the request isn’t feasible, you say, “I simply can’t do it.” If you just don’t have the ability to deliver on it, then you say, “Sorry, that’s outside my skill set”.
The third test is the most tricky. It needs a careful consideration of the intentions of the asker and your own values. If you aren’t clear about what you value and the other ways you want to spend your time, it will be hard for you to say ‘no’ with conviction.
Not every boss will listen and consider the reasons why an employee says “no,” but I believe most of them will. You do have rights and responsibilities, too, and there’s nothing wrong with respectfully declining if you have good reason to do so.
There are various ways of interacting with bosses. If they want something unreasonable, wrong or questionable, patiently explain to them the pros and cons, try to convince them of the right option, use your persuasive skills, show them the fear of retribution like in some known cases. Chances are that in eight out of ten cases, you will be able to bring them around. In a rare case where nothing of the above works, stand firm on your conviction and be ready to pay a price.
Finally, saying ‘no’ should not become a habit or a creed. I have seen some colleagues who specialized in saying ‘no’, particularly to their subordinates. A constant naysayer is a poor example of successful professional.
I am not sure if I have solved the problem. It is for every civil servant to decide for himself or herself.
- Prabhat Kumar, Former Cabinet Secretary
